You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
True strength comes from lack of pants
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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