Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
