i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
