omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
