I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
