accomplished twins. life is a go
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
