Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
