you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
