her vagine was all disorganized.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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