there's paper in my vomit.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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