So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
