you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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