I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
