i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I cut my penus on the lid.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
