I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
