I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
