I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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