My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I can't turn off my feet"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
