Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
