You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
