Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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