Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
