Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
