Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize