i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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