i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
