I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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