people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
