I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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