I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
