thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
this beer tastes like vomit already
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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