Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
