giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
