We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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