either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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