why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
