Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Fuck appropriateness.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
