I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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