no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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