I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
