I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize