I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
