I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
