just come out here and I will go home with you...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
