Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
