Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We are all done wearing pants today
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
