If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
there was a trapeze. enough said
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize