Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
