you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
