Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
