im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
