Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
