Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
