I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize