OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
