between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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