OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
