party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
