when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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