she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
