Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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