Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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