I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
