We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You ruined the universe
Randomize